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tv   Late Night With Jimmy Fallon  NBC  September 21, 2012 12:35am-1:35am EDT

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take my love with you take my love with you all of my love for you ♪ ♪ take my love all of my love for you ♪ ♪ ♪ and if the world around you ♪ ♪ begins to crumble and fall it shouldn't matter at all take my love with you let it be the light ♪ ♪ that sees you through chase away your blues where you go and what you do ♪
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♪ take my love with you take my love with you let it be the light that sees you through ♪ ♪ chase away your blues where you go and what you do take my love with you ♪ ♪ ♪ take my love with you ooh ♪ ♪ >> jay: bonnie raitt! just beautiful. thanks, doll. you did great. >> good to see you again. >> jay: you too. you too. i want to thank my guests,
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viola davis, paul wesley. and of course, bonnie raitt. stay tuned, the emmy winning jimmy fallon, coming up. jimmy! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. ♪ and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac --
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you all very much! i appreciate it. i feel the love. oh, thank you. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. [ cheers ] we're gonna have fun tonight. here's what people are talking about. cbs just announced that mitt romney and president obama are both going to appear on "60 minutes" this sunday in separate interviews. yeah, romney's really excited about this because it will be one of the rare times he actually knows he's being recorded. [ laughter ] so -- [ applause ] "at least i know." speaking of mitt romney, i heard that romney has also agreed to appear on "the view." [ audience chatters ] his advisers think it's a good idea because since it's the one place where it's impossible for him to say anything. [ laughter ] so, it's like it's perfect. "i was just gonna -- but if i could just -- you know ann would -- ah, forget it." [ light laughter ]
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i heard that prince, my man prince -- [ cheers ] he's in trouble with french authorities for failing to pay taxes on several concerts. which explains those new song lyrics -- ♪ tonight i'm gonna party like it's 1099 ♪ [ laughter ] >> steve: ♪ got a w-2 this mornin' ♪ >> jimmy: ♪ i was dreamin' when i didn't do this ♪ >> steve: ♪ h&r block [ laughter ] >> jimmy: ♪ >> steve: ♪ i had a 503 deduction ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: ♪ is cable tv a write-off? ♪ [ light laughter ] this isn't very nice, you guys. utah senate candidate scott howell is telling voters that his opponent, 78-year-old orrin hatch, should not be elected because he could die in office. [ light laughter ] but today, howell called hatch himself just to say, "boo!"
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[ laughter ] get this. a company in indiana is selling a new popcorn machine that shoots popcorn directly into your mouth. [ light laughter ] you know, so you can use your arms to break your fall as you hit rock bottom. [ laughter ] why am i -- >> steve: "did you go and look for a job today?" >> jimmy: "movie's great." [ laughter ] what's going on? some science news, nasa says the mars rover curiosity will spend the next few days studying a piece of rock. yeah, a few days looking at rock. which means the rover has discovered at least one interesting thing, weed. [ laughter ] [ stoner voice ] "you gotta see this rock, man. it's like, from mars. oh yeah, that's a rock." [ applause ] this is interesting. a new study found that having more sex can increase your lifespan. [ cheers and applause ] which is good because before
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that, the only reason to have sex was, sex. [ laughter ] check this out. congress has unveiled its own search engine to help citizens find bills that are in the senate and house. yes, they say it's a great resource for people unfamiliar with the bills, like members of the senate and house. [ laughter and applause ] works for us. win, win. >> steve: yeah, win, win. >> jimmy: and finally, marvel comics announced that its hero, captain america, will become president in the next issue. yeah. that is, until someone releases the tape of him insulting 47% of the justice league. [ laughter ] we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots! ♪ >> jimmy: we have a fun show tonight. a lot of great guests. from cnn, my pal, piers morgan is dropping by tonight.
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[ cheers and applause ] he's a good man. we love this guy. he's got a new police action thriller, "end of watch," which is out tomorrow. michael pena is here. [ cheers and applause ] also tonight, our technology expert joshua topolsky is here with the iphone 5. [ cheers and applause ] we're gonna look at it tonight. play with it. see what it's all about. then we got some great music from danny!, you guys! [ cheers and applause ] you're gonna love this guy. i put my money on this guy. oh, he's gonna be giant. he's really, really talented. you guys, it's time for "late night hashtags." here we go. ♪ hashtags, hashtags hashtags, hashtags hastags ♪ >> jimmy: these are lists on twitter where we give you the topic and you send in the tweets. so, i went on twitter and i started a hashtag called, "i used to think." and i asked you guys at home to tweet out something funny or weird that you used to think was true. like i -- my dad went to vietnam
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and he was in the navy in vietnam. and he used to listen -- he came back and we used to listen to doo-wop music while growing up -- so i just assumed that vietnam -- everyone just listened to doo-wop. [ light laughter ] so, i watched "platoon," and i'd watch, like, "full metal jacket." and it's jimi hendrix and the doors, and i'm like, "where's dion and the belmonts?" [ light laughter ] like, "what -- this is not vietnam. my dad --" turns out my dad's just a nerd. those songs were already oldies by the time he was in vietnam. but i used to think it was all vietnam songs. "you gotta play 'barbara ann,' man." >> steve: yeah, man. come on. ♪ blue moon >> jimmy: ♪ blue moon so, anyway, we got thousands of tweets. in fact, within a half an hour, it was a trending topic in the united states, which is awesome. so, thank you for the tweets, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] so now, i thought i'd share some of my favorite, "i used to think" tweets from you guys. here we go. this first one is from @onedsheeranlove. she says, "i used to think an adam's apple was just a piece of apple that got caught in a guy's throat."
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[ laughter ] this one's from @gaylesharon. she said, "i used to think ellen degeneres was called 'ellen the generous' because she was so generous." [ laughter ] she is very generous. >> steve: she's a very generous person. i thought that too. yeah. she is. >> jimmy: "ellen the generous." [ light laughter ] this one's from @ticktokrobotsnot. [ laughter ] he says, "i used to think the asterisk on the phone's dialing pad was a snowflake my parents used to call santa and tell him when i was being naughty." [ laughter ] got him on speed dial. >> steve: that's a good one. >> jimmy: i'm into snowflakes. >> steve:[ imitating santa ] "hello?" >> jimmy: "hello-ho-ho." >> steve: "is robot snot being bad again?" [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: what'd you say? [ both say ] "is this tick tock robot snot?" [ light laughter ] >> steve: "you've been a naughty boy." >> jimmy: is santa claus don pardo? >> steve: yeah, he is. [ laughter ] [ imitating don pardo ] "you've been a naughty boy." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "musical guest."
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>> steve: "tick tock robot snot. and your host, jamal." [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: we have @kaydb7. she says, "i used to think parmesan cheese was pronounced, 'farmer john cheese.'" [ laughter ] "could you pass the farmer john cheese, please? bellissimo." >> steve: [ italian accent ] "here you go!" >> jimmy: farmer john cheese. >> steve: "it's-a my cheese-a." >> jimmy: thank you, farmer john. >> steve: you're-a welcome-a. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: now, farmer john, are you italian? >> steve: no. i'm i-tillian. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: farmer john are -- >> steve: "i till-a the fields." >> jimmy: farmer john, are you a -- are you a -- are you a video game character that's a plumber? >> steve:"i am, a-yes. i'm mario." >> jimmy: all right. very good. i know farmer john. >> steve: it's mario john. >> jimmy: this one's from @angelah9. she says, "i used to think the lyrics to guns n' roses 'paradise city' were 'take me down to a very nice city.'" [ laughter ] >> steve: sweet. >> jimmy: this one's from
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@atothemm. she says, "when i was two years old, i thought i'd grow another ear when i turned three. three ears old." [ audience aws ] >> steve: [ pouting ] "i don't want to be three ears old. then i'll be like uncle gary." [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: uncle gary has three ears? this one's from @connomatopoeia. >> steve: oh, nice. >> jimmy: she says, "i used to think armpits were a private part." [ light laughter ] "hey, did you get any pit last night?" [ laughter ] "i got to pit." >> steve: [ singing unchained melody ] ♪ my darling >> jimmy: "hey! [ laughter ] how dare you?!" >> steve: [ italian accent ] "how dare-a you?" >> jimmy: farmer john, nice to see you, again. [ laughter ] this one's from @colormetami. she says, "i used to think the alphabet went, 'a lemon and a pea,' not 'l-m-n-o-p.'"
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[ laughter ] a lemon and a pea? >> steve: oh, that's cute. >> jimmy: this last one's from @bzito45. he says, "i used to think a blender was actually called a margarita because that's all my parents ever used it for." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] there you have it! those are tonight's "late night hashtags." to check out more of our favorites, go to hashtags. stick around. we'll be right back with more "late night," everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i'm so g lad you called. thank you. we're not in london, are we? no. why? apparently my debit card is. what? i know. don't worry, we have cancelled your old card. great. thank you. in addition to us monitoring your accounts for unusual activity, you could also set up free account alerts. okay. [ female announcer ] at wells fargo we're working around the clock to help protect your money and financial information. here's your temporary card. welcome back. how was london? [ female announcer ] wells fargo. together we'll go far.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. now, if you are following the presidential race, you know that mitt romney has made a series of pretty big gaffes the past couple of weeks. in fact, people are saying that it seems like romney is out of touch with the average american and it might cost a lot of voters, especially younger voters. so, to prove that he's not out of touch, romney has started
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making his own video blogs, or vlogs, where he tries to court the youth vote. apparently he records the whole thing on his laptop and he even edits it himself. we actually have the newest edition tonight. so check this out. >> wuz up, internet? it's your ole' pal, mitt romney. if you've seen the news in the last week, you probably know i've had a few minor slip-ups. [ robotic laughter ] [ light laughter ] nothing to be concerned about but i thought what better time to remind you all that i'm a cool, down to earth, normal dude person? so let's buckle it up and get it started with my "rom-bomb video vlog-blog." [ light laughter ] ♪ [ scattered applause ] let's start off this week's vlog-blog with a new segment called, "i was just joshing." ♪
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when i said that 47% of voters are dependent on government and believe that they are entitled to health care, food and housing, i was just joshing. [ robotic laughter ] [ laughter ] ♪ now that that's out of the way, here's a few fun facts about the mitt man. i was governor of massachusetts for four years. go botox. bo-sox. boston red sox. [ robotic laughter ] i have 18 beautiful grandchildren. and when we get together, i do what any grandpa does. i dress all my grandkids in gingham. [ laughter ] ♪ oppan gingam style hey! sexy lady ♪ [ laughter ] my wife, ann, loves horses. do i like horses? nay. [ horse neighs ] now, check it out, gang. i had a little free time and i designed my own campaign pin. "vote for mitt romney and paul ryan for president and vice president, respectively." to make a campaign donation and buy a pin, just go to the following website address --
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romneypin.doc-1p2-8725637=%3%a22 &%3. it's simple! now, it's time for romney's rant corner. ♪ [ screams ] this week's rant is on people who don't own a zune. get with the times, bra. this baby can hold over 250 songs, play over three minutes of video. and it syncs up perfectly with any dell inspiron 3800 through 4100 and i'm over the moon for zune. you guys see the new salvatore ferragamo cufflinks? $250, bro. cheap! [ laughter ] my grandson just told me about planking. you bros and sis's wanna see me plank on my desk? [ light laughter ] i'm planking. i'm planking. [ laughter and applause ]
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and now, it's time for "wtf." "well, that's funky." ♪ >> hey, looks like i'm in some sort of carnival funhouse. hey, you're pretty good looking, mitt. >> thanks, mitt. you're good looking, too. >> hello. [ laughter ] i'm a big old blockhead. go obama! >> ah! what the hell is this? this one is scaring me. >> i am an alien. [ laughter ] i have come to invade planet america with tax cuts to stimulate economic growth. >> well, that's funky. [ laughter ] ♪ all right, gang. that's it for me. i'll see you next time on the "rom bomb video vlog-blog." [ laughter ] great, figured out how to turn off the internet camera. and i'm telling you, i can't do anything to win over these young voters. 47% of these kids have the attention span of a housefly and
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the other 53% only care about lady gaga and honey bo-bo. well, at least the internet camera's off and there's no way anyone's ever gonna see or hear what i just said. oh -- i was just joshing. ♪ [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: there you have it, guys. the "rom bomb video vlog-blog." stick around. be right back with piers morgan! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ been shopping so smart, cash back with your freedom card getting cash back on what? close shave and haircut fan for the ceiling. you're gonna cool off that hoooounddd! tonight you gotta get your cash back, on new slacks. use freedom on lunch with jack. everybody get! everybody get!
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is the host of "piers morgan tonight," which airs every night at 9:00 p.m. on cnn. please welcome back to our show, piers morgan! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> thank you. >> jimmy: welcome back to our show. we love having you on the show. >> you look very smart tonight. >> jimmy: thank you, my friend. you too, as well. that's a nice -- now, who makes that suit? >> it's a little -- am i aloud to say? >> jimmy: sure? >> a little gucci number. >> jimmy: that a beautiful suit. yeah, very nice. [ scattered cheers ] very sharp. very fashionista. are you getting ready for -- you have a big, big interview next week. >> i do. >> jimmy: you want to tell everyone who -- >> president clinton is coming. [ scattered cheers ] >> jimmy: that's big. >> it's interesting -- i watched him at the convention. i was there for his speech, amazing speech. all i could think was, you guys have a great constitution. and it's a fabulous thing. but when you have the 22nd amendment that said no president could serve more than two terms, you lot were crackers. because bill clinton would still be president, wouldn't he? >> jimmy: after that speech. [ scattered applause ] >> you got this guy, you trained him up. he went through all the scandals. he emerged stronger than ever. and just at the peak of his powers, you take him away and say constitutionally, you are
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too good, so we're getting rid of you. so my plan is to have an amendment -- the 22nd amendment of your constitution, to bring it to britain so we can have bill clinton as our prime minister. which i think would be fantastic. >> jimmy: yeah, because england loves him. >> we absolutely adore him. yes, he'll have elocution lessons to talk like me. but i can just imagine it, number 10 downing street, prime minister clinton. good afternoon everybody. [ as clinton ] >> jimmy: i love to have -- i can't even do the accent with a british accent. but, you had fun, you did rnc and you did the dnc. >> yeah. >> jimmy: rnc and the dnc. difference between both? >> uh, they were pretty similar. you had crazier hats the republican one, lots of strange cowboy people. >> jimmy: people do that with blinking things. >> yeah, and i'm pretty sure most of them were armed as well. [ light laughter ] it was quite -- you know, you walk around and you think, "don't upset that guy." he's a big guy, big hat, big gun. >> jimmy: he probably has a gun. yeah, yeah, yeah. >> but the best thing for me was i doing the cnn show from the cnn grill, which was fabulous because i was able to do it -- you got a picture there -- with beer, in a bar. >> jimmy: what is going on at cnn?
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you just drinking on air now. [ laughter ] >> so, we basically got all these important guests on, got them drunk and then just got these incredible confessions. >> jimmy: i mean, you were in london. >> -- i was brought up in a british pub, so my parents ran a pub. so, for me, this is like tv utopia. >> jimmy: that's like the greatest thing that ever happened. >> -- beer, a few politicians after midnight, anything goes. and no one really was watching, so it didn't matter. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: did -- did they have fun? were they more open than normal, or no? they were just -- were they looser? >> alcohol does loosen the tongue. >> jimmy: it does. >> it does, yeah. also, of course, i met your doppelganger. the other two in the -- >> jimmy: the castros. >> the castros. >> jimmy: julian castro. [ with spanish emphasis ] >> oh, yes, julian, there's joaquin and there's jimmy. >> jimmy: yeah. [ with spanish emphasis ] there's joaquin, there's julian. i just like when he says his brother's name or his grandma's name he goes so spanish. he's like my great grandma. my grandmother, she was fantastic. my grandmother, [ with spanish emphasis ] victoria. she said -- [ laughter ] here's a -- >> you do look ridiculously like -- look at that. >> jimmy: these are the twins. >> they are triplets. >> jimmy: yeah and then here's
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me as them. [ laughter and applause ] we could pull it off. what do you think of these guys? >> i just -- never mind the politics, you guys should go on the road as a band, shouldn't you? [ with spanish emphasis ] joaquin, jimmy, julian. >> jimmy: we could be the boy band. yeah, we could be a boy band. >> fantastic. >> jimmy: he's the cute one, he's the smart one and then he's the bad boy. [ light laughter ] we'll go on -- we're like one direction. tres direcciones. >> i got drunk with one direction over the weekend. >> jimmy: did you get drunk with one direction? >> i was there -- james cordon, the comedian who just won the best actor on broadway for "one man, two guvnors," and he had his wedding party. i ended up at 1:00 in the morning, in the this big garden in the middle of nowhere in somerset, in the west of england, with one direction, getting drunk. i felt so cool. i was like, "finally." >> jimmy: you felt cool until you realized they're 15. and then you go, "what is going on?" [ laughter ] >> i felt cool, they felt incredibly uncool. it was like get granddad out of here. >> jimmy: get lost. uh -- i got to talk about
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england. >> yes. >> jimmy: 'cause if you're over there. this big scandal, the royals -- the royals are just getting naked. [ laughter ] and they just can't stop doing it. >> the things is, you have to understand that in britain, it's very normal especially if you've been to a private -- paying school. there's an association with nudity. this is why the royals always take their clothes off and they can't stop themselves. >> jimmy: do you take your clothes off? >> i have taken my clothes off, yes. >> jimmy: well, i mean -- i'm assuming you have taken your clothes off, but in public? [ laughter ] >> my living dread is that there is any footage -- i was on a trip to yorkshire in the north of england with some friends of mine -- cricket friends, and we're watching a cricket match all day. nothing happened, it was incredibly boring and we just had a drinking competition. who was going to be the slowest to drink 10 pints hand pumped tetley's best bitter. so, i was the last to finish my 10th pint. the debt was, you had to, at the end of the play, run onto the pitch and strip naked on the, what we call the wicket, the sticky wicket. i know it's all a bit naughty.
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so, when the moment came -- >> jimmy: -- google sticky wicket, yeah. >> so i sprinted out and i de-robed and i was standing naked, heading the cricket ground. now, i doubt any of you have ever been there, or ever watched cricket, but somebody, somewhere probably has the footage. >> jimmy: really? -- >> if it ever breaks, i'm toast. i'm done. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: was this recently? >> i am prince harry in vegas times ten. [ laughter ] naked cricket. >> jimmy: i was going to say times ten or divided by ten? >> divided by ten. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: very good. now, you -- [ laughter ] you were the host of the first season of "america's got talent." you were one of the judges. >> i was a judge for the first six seasons. >> jimmy: six seasons. but you kind of started it. >> -- when it was successful. >> jimmy: oh -- [ audience ohs ] you're going to get in trouble now. >> i can have a laugh, though, because i love howard stern -- he's a great guy and i love going on his show. but, i have to laugh because when he took over he said, "you know what we're not going to get anymore of? these terrible acts winning the show. no more sinatra impersonators,
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all this kind of guff." and who won the show? a couple of stupid dogs running around, jumping up -- >> jimmy: look at this. >> now, howard said he was going to find world class talent. i'm not seeing them in delhi, are you? or china? here they are, the winners of "america's got talent." two stupid dogs. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: come on. >> howard, if you are watching, that world class talent my friend. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. called you out. do you have any secret talents? >> i do. >> jimmy: you do? >> i have two. one is, when i have drank two bottles of jack daniels, which clearly i haven't, i only had one tonight, i strip to the waist, put a bandana on and sing axl rose doing "live and let die" or "november rain." >> jimmy: do you really? >> i do it so well. once i did it in barbados in a club, a karaoke kind of club, quite a cool place. and there was this big fat american record producer in the corner who came up in the end and genuinely offered me a recording contract. >> jimmy: no. >> yeah.
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i was in full -- ♪ live and let die! and -- was like you are, "seriously man, you're the new axl rose." [ talking over each other ] >> jimmy: he had three bottles of jack. >> exactly. the other i do is this, so i broke the world record on "america's got talent" once for -- unofficial world record. for twirling a pen in the air and catching it. it was 40 revolutions, okay? so, i can, very quickly, probably smash my own world record. >> jimmy: questlove? [ drum roll ] -- right there! he did it. that's what i'm talking about. the man of many talents, piers morgan. "piers morgan tonight" airs every night at 9:00 p.m. on cnn. he's got a big bill clinton interview next week. got to check it out. michael pena joins us next. come on back, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪
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yeah!!! [ smooching ] [ growling ] ♪ so you're going to give me all that for this last diet mountain dew? yeah, i just love the taste of diet dew. nah, i'm good. [ male announcer ] diet mountain dew. yeah, it tastes that good. what about an island? [ hero ] nope. blank check? [ hero ] nah. but i'm mark cuban.
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will pick the perfect hotel. with everything in walking distance. and shrimp in reaching distance. [ male announcer ] book your perfect hotel in the perfect spot with ultra fast orbitz mobile apps. orbitz. take vacation back. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is a very talented actor who stars alongside jake gyllenhaal in the new film, "end of watch." which is in theaters everywhere, tomorrow. welcome back to our show, michael pena! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> thank you guys for standing up. >> jimmy: you thought they were standing up. that's just how tall the seats are. no one is standing up, michael. >> oh, that's not cool. >> jimmy: they're not standing -- >> that's not cool at all. >> jimmy: they are relaxing. last time you were on the show michael -- what's that? >> i was just, "what's up, roots?" los roots. >> jimmy: los roots. last time you were on the show, i talked to you. i didn't realize you were from chicago. >> yeah, born and raised. [ a few people cheer ] three people. >> jimmy: last time you were here, i have seen you in movies and you are so good at acting. i've got to say this. i was convinced that you were that character from "30 minutes or less." >> oh, yeah, it was chango. >> jimmy: chango, yes. >> and he talked like -- i based it off this guy who's like -- he's in and out of prison. >> jimmy: how do you know him? >> well, he got some girl pregnant when he was 13. [ talking over each other ] now he's -- i don't know -- he's like a drug dealer, you know what i mean?
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>> jimmy: is that how you know him? >> no, no, no! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how do you know this man? >> no, i do not know him. he's like -- i based the character on "30 minutes of less," i based it off him. he's the kind of guy that goes -- like i just saw him at the sox game, i was pitching like, the first pitch or whatever. >> jimmy: you threw out the first pitch? >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: that's a lot of pressure. >> and somehow -- >> jimmy: you brought him with you? >> no, i didn't! [ light laughter ] he was like, in the nosebleed. you know what i mean. i stuck him way up there with the family. >> jimmy: you hooked him up? he got a ticket? >> no! i mean like, he was right by the photographers. i was like, "how'd you get there?" he's like, "what's up dog?" [ laughter ] and i'm like, "how did you do this?" and then like out of all people, he's like, "he can't pitch, dog. he can't pitch, dog. he can't pitch, dog." i'm like i'm warming up. it's i don't know how many people. he's like, "you can't pitch." i was like, "shut up!" [ light laughter ] and then -- they have me looking angry in all these photos, you know. i'm like -- >> jimmy: yeah. and how was the final pitch.
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>> and then i was like, "no!" >> jimmy: it was awful? >> to the right. the pitcher -- whoever the catcher said, "you almost hit me in the face, man." >> jimmy: really? that's not good. >> no, i wasn't good. >> jimmy: that guy -- your friend -- we don't have to say his name. >> i can't say his name. >> jimmy: you can't say his name. but he just got pulled over by the cops? >> he did get pulled over. >> jimmy: what'd this guy do? >> oh, my god. i said, "what did you do this weekend?" he's like, "i was in jail, dog." "okay, what were you in jail for?" and he's like, "smoking weed." i was like, "don't you have a prescription thing?" and he's like, "yeah." and i was like, "show me what exactly you did." he's like, "the police came to me. and they say, 'hey, dog.'" first of all, i said, "they did not say 'hey, dog.'" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they did not say, "hey, dog." >> he's like, "why shouldn't i put it out?" i was like, "all right, cool." and i was like, "show me how you put it out." "this is what i did when i did it." >> jimmy: he smoked the whole joint, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> i'm like dude, "you are going to get arrested every time,
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buddy. every time." >> jimmy: i love it, he smoked the whole thing. he's like, "i don't got nothing, dog." >> so, he cries and he's like -- [ imitating smoking and crying ] like holding it back here. it's clearly the cops are going to see it. "it's over here, dog." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i watched the movie. [ microphone cuts in and out ] sorry, i think it's this mic, maybe. >> is it fire? >> jimmy: yeah, no, it's good. >> okay. >> jimmy: is that right? or is it -- somebody is trying to speak to us from the other side? [ laughter ] yes -- you know what? it's that guy up by the microphone. he goes -- [ imitating smoking ] he's inhaling. >> it's the ghost of that guy. going like -- [ imitating smoking ] "come on, dog. come on, dog!" >> jimmy: come on dog. boo. boo, dog. it's a ghost. we have to talk about your movie, "end of watch." >> with jake gyllenhaal. >> jimmy: with jake gyllenhall. [ cheers ] it's a movie about -- yeah. l.a. -- he's the real star. he's here. >> i'm here! it's my time.
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[ cheers ] my time! >> jimmy: i've got to say, out of every movie i have seen a bunch of movies on police officers. this one is the most realistic. it is gritty. it's scary at certain parts. >> it's like, funny sometimes. >> jimmy: it's funny sometimes. but sometimes, in the middle of being scared. [ laughter ] i felt like i was in chase scenes. yeah. >> it's shot like a documentary. and like, we did the actor thing and we rehearsed for like, five months. >> jimmy: who directed this? >> david ayer, the guy who wrote "training day." he like, co-wrote "fast and furious." so it's fast. >> jimmy: it's fast, it is furious. it is frightening. it starts with a car chase. >> yeah. >> jimmy: it is just insane. you're knocking down garbage cans. going through alley ways. >> like -- >> jimmy: almost hitting people. did you get to drive the cop car? i know you were there. but that wasn't you. >> yeah, i did. i crashed the cop car. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: you crashed it? >> that's not the funny part. [ laughter ] come on. >> jimmy: you crashed the cop car? >> i was confessing my sins and you're like [ mean laughing ] "he crashed the car." >> jimmy: you crashed the cop car? >> yeah, man. i was like -- i couldn't believe it. they took off the abs brake
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system. and then, like the one street that was paved in all of south central, we decided to do the scene on. so all of a sudden, i'm like, driving, driving. i'm like [ shaking ] "oh, no!" it's literally, for six seconds i said that. they cut to me. they can't use that. i'm supposed to be a tough guy. >> jimmy: [ shaking ] oh my god. [ both shaking and saying ] oh, my god. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "what am i going to do now? oh, my goodness." [ laughter ] >> yeah. everything. then all of a sudden, i crash right into it. i'm like jake -- air bag. >> jimmy: no! [ light laughter ] >> i think -- but jake did some stuff -- with maneuvering. he's like, "oh my gosh." [ imitating maneuvering ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that jake gyllenhall, he's -- >> well, he's got to take care of this. he has to take care of this. >> jimmy: gotta take care of it. >> you know me, i'm like -- [ yelling ] >> jimmy: we have a clip of you and jake. you are two cops. you are like a team, a partner. michael pena and jake gyllenhaal in "end of watch." take a look.
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>> dude, are you going to hook up with a mexican girl? >> you trying to hook me up with one, dude? >> dude, it would be great if you did, man. >> i get it, man. >> sweet brown sugar. you should marry one of my cousins. >> if they are anything like you, i wouldn't be able to stand an hour with them. [ laughing ] >> waking up in the morning, and they'd be like, [ imitating woman ] "hey, can i tell you a story?" >> i know. >> [ imitating woman ] "here's a story about this and a story about that. and a story about this and a story about that. and a story about this and a story about that." >> but, dude, all you have to do is this, all you got to do is this. "mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yeah, mm-hmm, yeah." >> [ imitating woman ] "you want to come to my cousin's quinceanera, my daughter's quinceanera and my brother's quinceanera?" >> yeah. >> "sister's quinceanera, sister's quinceanera?" >> there's always something happening, though, bro. it's better than, like, [ imitating woman ] "hey, do you know the new kind of flavored coffee i have?" [ laughter ] "you like this kind of coffee?" >> the baristas are excellent. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: michael pena, "end of watch" is in theaters everywhere tomorrow. back with joshua topolsky with
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the iphone 5 joins us after the break! stick around. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] you like who you are... and you learned something along the way. this is the age of knowing what you're made of. so, why let erectile dysfunction get in your way? talk to your doctor about viagra. 20 million men already have. ask if your heart is healthy enough for sex. do not take viagra if you take nitrates for chest pain; it may cause an unsafe drop in blood pressure. side effects include headache, flushing, upset stomach, and abnormal vision. to avoid long-term injury, seek immediate medical help for an erection lasting more than four hours. stop taking viagra and call your doctor right away if you experience a sudden decrease or loss in vision or hearing. this is the age of taking action. viagra. talk to your doctor. see if america's most prescribed ed treatment is right for you. will pick the perfect hotel. with everything in walking distance.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is our resident technology expert and the editor-in-chief of "the verge." and tonight he's here to show us some hot new objects including the iphone 5. joshua topolsky, everybody. ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i just saw you, by the way. and i said -- what'd i just say to you? i said, you're a pro now. and what'd you say to me? >> i thought you called me a boner. i was very -- >> jimmy: i said you're a pro now. >> i thought, how dare you -- >> jimmy: no, i would never say that. "the verge" is your website, is blowing up congratulations, >> thank you. >> jimmy: it's doing pop stuff as well as tech stuff. >> yeah. yeah, we think that technology is pop culture and pop culture is technology. they're kind of merging. so we're trying to be in the middle of that. let me get in there. get my hands dirty. >> jay: yeah, let's get our hands dirty. what do we got? >> all right, so amazon has a new product, this is the new kindle paper wipe. have you seen this? >> jimmy: oh, this is great. no, i love my kindle. >> so they have this thing, it's called front light, but it's like, if the screen is lit it's e-ink. so it's like a regular kindle but it's a touch screen and you can see it has a light you can adjust here. >> jimmy: yeah. sweet. so you get to read it at night. >> you can read "50 shades of grey" if your loved one is sleeping and you got -- the lights are out. got "50 shades of grey" in one hand -- and the sleeping -- >> jimmy: yeah, thank you. yeah. [ laughter ] sleeping aid in the other hand. >> is that how everybody reads
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it? that's how i read it. >> jimmy: okay, here we go. >> all right, so they have another -- >> jimmy: i don't want to know how you read "50 shades of grey." >> this is brand new. this is the kindle fire hd. the seven inch. >> jimmy: that's -- people were talking about this. >> they have an 8.9 inch that isn't out yet. it's 200 bucks and it's faster, higher resolution screen. >> jimmy: wow. >> lots of great amazon content. you can get prime and get a bunch of free movies and book your -- >> jimmy: yeah, and how much does that cost? >> it's 200 bucks. >> jimmy: that's not that bad. >> and 16 gigs. they have a 32 gig that's going to be out soon. >> jimmy: that's not too shab. all right. >> and i see you moving. you just want to get over here. >> jimmy: well let's talk about this. people are freaking out. >> all right, iphone 5. have you heard about this? >> jimmy: i mean, what is going down. [ cheers and applause ] let's get into it. >> there's a small company in california called apple that -- >> jimmy: i've heard of apple. >> that's producing phones now. >> jimmy: so what's the difference? >> okay, so it's got a larger screen. it's a four inch play down so it's taller. >> jimmy: where's the old one? >> yeah, you have the old one here. >> jimmy: this is a 4s. >> it's faster. it is got new software. but the coolest thing about this in my opinion is it's got lte. and that's just blazing fast -- >> jimmy: lightning -- >> cellular -- >> jimmy: lightning technology. >> cellular data. >> jimmy: what does lte stand for? >> lte is -- >> jimmy: laser technology engineering. >> it's actually a long term
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evolution -- you don't really -- >> jimmy: no, i don't really want to hear. >> laser technology engineering is right. no, but it's very, very fast. it's like wifi speed. if you're walking around midtown, wifi speed over cellular. >> jimmy: and it works? >> it's fast as hell. >> jimmy: really? >> it's so fast. >> jimmy: really? >> it's disgusting. i was using it and i started throwing up it was so gross. [ laughter ] it was so fast. >> jimmy: that's a good review. that's a good review. yeah, this is really -- >> so fast it's disgusting. i'm sickened. >> jimmy: projectile vomiting. yeah. >> no, it's really awesome. and -- >> jimmy: what are the other changes? >> better battery life. bigger screen. you can see it's thinner. i don't know if you can actually -- tilt that. can you see that? this is totally not useful to anyone. >> jimmy: no -- [ light laughter ] >> they look exactly the same. >> jimmy: put it down, put it down. >> it's light -- it's lighter. >> jimmy: yeah, it's just barely thinner. >> it's got a -- >> jimmy: i mean, it's like -- >> look at that. >> jimmy: that's barely thinner. >> it's got a new metal back. let me feel this. >> do you want to touch it? just put your hands all over this. it's no problem. >> jimmy: i'm going to throw up. >> let me get "50 shades of grey" again. >> jimmy: you read "50 shades of grey" and talk about your seven incher and then you say touch it. [ laughter ] that's what happened in order. >> one handed operation. [ laughter and applause ] ♪
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i ain't got no problem with that. >> jimmy: but look. it can fit another row of apps. an extra row. >> yeah, you can add another row of apps. and they have a -- they have new maps. so check this out. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. what is this. yeah, this is like, they don't use google maps anymore. >> so they don't use google maps and you lose a few things but you gain a few things. so it has turn-by-turn. and check this out, it does -- if this works, 3d. >> jimmy: whoa. [ audience oohs ] this is real time 3d rendering of -- >> jimmy: that's weird. >> i know my fingers are ni the way. >> jimmy: no, that's amazing. >> but -- so it renders these in real time. it does real time turn-by-turn with the 3d building. it's called fly over mode. it's really beautiful. you can see there's central park. >> jimmy: and how -- siri is a big thing. >> siri has some new features. >> jimmy: yes. >> she can tell you sports information if you're into that sort of thing. >> jimmy: of course. >> let's see. let's see if she'll give us some info here. [ siri beeps ] what is the score of the giants game? [ siri beeps ] >> it's nine to two, san francisco. >> check this out. check this out. [ siri beeps ] what inning is the giants game in? [ siri beeps ] >> it's the end of the 7th inning. the score is nine to two, giants.
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>> jimmy: you just said that. yeah, tell her to stop repeating herself. >> she's repeating. stop that. [ siri beeps ] >> stop repeating yourself you idiot. [ siri beeps ] >> sorry, i can't do that. you're not -- [ light laughter ] >> oh, my gosh. no, but -- >> jimmy: dude this is -- >> she has more movie information. >> jimmy: yeah, you can say, what movie should i go see? >> she can book -- she can book restaurants for you. she will iron your clothing now. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: no, i mean, it's good, but that is pretty wild. that is some sick technology. >> no, it's great. they really -- and because of the lte siri works a lot better. like, if you've been in a situation where you're, like, waiting for siri to do something. >> jimmy: yeah. >> it's way improved on this because of the lte. >> jimmy: and how much is that guy. this is -- starts at $199 on contract. goes up to $399, i think, if there's a -- i can't remember. >> jimmy: an actual human -- >> i should know. >> jimmy: if you get it for 400 bucks a person named siri comes with it. yeah. [ laughter ] >> s small -- a small person, but a person. >> jimmy: you're a good man as always. >> oh, thank you. >> jimmy: joshua topolsky. [ cheers and applause ] very, very -- very good. very funny. we love him. joshua topolsky, everybody. danny performs next. stick around. [ cheers and applause ]
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♪ anncr: a good job. it's the key to a good life. but it isn't always easy to find one... a vote for question seven is a vote for maryland jobs. two thousand construction jobs to build a new resort casino. four thousand permanent jobs, paying... on average fifty five thousand a year. six thousand jobs from increased tourism... and table games like blackjack and poker. add it up: it's twelve thousand new maryland jobs. but to build it you have to vote for it. vote for question seven. and get maryland back to work. been shopping so smart, cash back with your freedom card getting cash back on what?
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close shave and haircut fan for the ceiling. you're gonna cool off that hoooounddd! tonight you gotta get your cash back, on new slacks. use freedom on lunch with jack. everybody get! everybody get! get your cash back. chase freedom.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is about to release "payback," his debut album for the newly-relaunched okayplayer records. he's making his tv debut with us tonight. to perform the song "evil," with a little help from the roots, please welcome danny! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ evil i feel the sickness running under my skin ♪ ♪ you see? you see? jimmy fallon, what up? ♪ ♪ father when i get up to heaven gonna let me in ♪
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♪ people who judge me but i know they haven't been where i've been ♪ ♪ i know the day's gonna come when i've gotta repent but until then ♪ ♪ i just keep runnin' and runnin' and runnin' i keep on runnin' but i don't know where ♪ ♪ i am goin' the is just mind-blowin' surrounded by circus clowns sick ♪ ♪ of the pie-throwin' ridiculous i ain't knowin' ♪ ♪ where to locate my saneness ooops i meant to say sanity ♪ ♪ danny is brainless ooops i meant to pray near this canopy bed ♪ ♪ too bad there's too many hookers layin' in it danny! is shameless ♪ ♪ you lames just shuck and jive like andy and amos ♪ ♪ co-signed by two giants y'all still don't know who d. swain is i'm sayin' ♪ ♪ evil i feel the sickness running under my skin ♪ ♪ father when i get up to heaven gonna let me in ♪ ♪ people who judge me but i know they haven't been where i've been ♪ ♪ i know the day's gonna come when i've gotta repent but until then ♪ ♪ i just keep runnin'
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and runnin' and runnin' ♪ was thought to be a pleasant guy my entire life ♪ ♪ but somethin' snapped in me nowadays i ain't wired right paranoia got me feelin' ♪ ♪ like i'mma die tonight somebody gon' merk the kid for all of the dirt i did ♪ ♪ i swear i'm only human but i'm one step away before the evil consumes him engraved in his tomb ♪ ♪ with a reputation in ruins y'all know the deal i act aloof to hide that i'm real scared ♪ ♪ thought i outran my demons rear-view mirror they still there ♪ ♪ evil i feel the sickness ♪ the legendary roots crew ♪ ♪ father when i get up to heaven gonna let me in ♪ ♪ people who judge me but i know they haven't been where i've been ♪ ♪ i know the day's gonna come when i've gotta repent but until then ♪ ♪ i just keep -- criticize me you know i don't know what to tell ya you wanna crucify me ♪ ♪ but yo, i don't know what to tell ya you wanna hold down me
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i swear ♪ ♪ don't know what to tell ya you wanna pop it at me but yo, i don't know ♪ ♪ what to tell ya only god can judge me ♪ ♪ evil i feel the sickness running under my skin ♪ ♪ put your hands together father, forgive me what i had to do ♪ ♪ father when i get up to heaven gonna let me in ♪ ♪ people who judge me but i know they haven't been where i've been ♪ ♪ i know the day's gonna come when i've gotta repent but until then ♪ ♪ i just keep -- i keep runnin' ♪ ♪ sometimes i feel like doin' a beat sometimes i don't ♪ ♪ sometimes i feel like movin' my feet sometimes i won't ♪ ♪ sometimes i feel like doin' a beat sometimes i don't ♪ ♪ sometimes the roots make you move your feet and sometimes they won't ♪


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